“Honey, for this new year my new name is the ‘Year Of Salad’ or YOS for short.”

“That’s not the name of a person. That’s something to do.”

“Exactly, for 2014 I am going to eat more salad and less of other not so healthy foods. Call me ‘YOS’ to encourage me. You know like, ‘Hey, YOS, let’s get something to eat that works with your name, my sweet ‘YOSter.’”

“You are a nut, but okay if it will help with your resolution, I will call you my nutty ‘YOSter.”

* * *

That’s what we all need: help with our New Year’s Resolutions.

One definition of “resolution” is “the action to solve a problem.” So, you begin formulating a resolution for the New Year by first identifying a problem. My problem was: “Honey, the lettuce is rotting in the refrigerator.” (Now, that’s a problem, and wasted food is wasted money.) Her answer was, “You need to do something about that.” “What,” I yelled. “Eat the lettuce before it melts into slimy green paper.” Well, that is an action.

Now, we come to the other part of the definition of “resolution,” which is “the firm decision to do, or not to do, something.” It is not enough to see an action to solve a problem. A resolution means you are going to take the action to solve the problem: I am going to make the firm decision to eat more lettuce before I have to scrape it out of the fridge. I am committed to solving the problem of lonely lettuce by eating the weird green stuff before the leafy monster becomes inedible and obnoxious to view. And, by doing this, I will improve the visual and olfactory appearance of our ice box, my dietary intake and my health — I hope.

The Year of Salad has commenced.

I am the YOS.

How about you?

LA Fitness, which is an exercise organization, asked 2,000 people what their resolutions were for 2013. I know that’s a year ago, but apparently people are slower to resolve this year or journalists are tired about writing articles about what’s being resolved. So, we’re stuck with 2013 for the moment.

Interestingly, the #1 resolve was to read more books. I guess these were healthy people walking out of the club after thoroughly working out, because the top of the list for almost every other year has been to eat better, exercise more and lose weight (which is what’s really behind the YOS, if I were to be brutally honest with my kitchen). However, I am beginning to think I may have missed something about resolutions that is not in the definitions.

What about specific foods? There it is at #20 on the list: Eat less chocolate. Yes, the first food specifically mentioned is chocolate, and it is way down the list. What do you think that means? Something is happening here. Everyone loves chocolates. Ever since the Mayans shared their secret with the wider world, all peoples of our Earth have acknowledged a fondness and resolve to consume their shares of chocolate. So, this can’t be what it says. It must be a resolve to eat chocolate, but to do so more carefully or more hiddenly or only dark chocolate except on Sundays. I am beginning to see into the sweet secret of resolutions.

At #40 on the list, we have the resolution to “Do a bungee jump.” Wait a minute here, do folks really want to tie a rubber band to their ankle and jump off a bridge? I don’t think so. The bottom of the list is enlightening and begins to reveal what may really be going on with the year-start resolves.

These things we put in resolutions are the opposite or what we say – in a friendly and not extreme sort of way (because it is us talking to us). When we say “more books,” we’re really saying “I’m very happy with what I’m reading now.” When “less chocolate,” we’re thinking “Who am I kidding?” When we write “more bungee jumping,” we are really thinking “WHO AM I KIDDING?”

Yes, we do want to eat, exercise and weigh better, but no one pays attention to those resolutions and we all know what they and the others mean: We want to be me, and stay just that way, please, and thank you for not paying too close attention to what I’m saying or resolving.

* * *

“Hey, my YOSter nut, it’s Friday. Let’s go out for dinner.”

“Sounds great, Honey. I’ve just been thinking about that.”

“Thinking about leafy green salads, I bet, for the Year of the YOS.”

“Well, actually, I was thinking about a nice big juicy steak, and I know just the place.”

“But, my YOS, your resolution, or have you forgotten your arguments for a cleaner fridge and a healthier you?”

“Not at all, I just realized the joy of a true resolution is not keeping it, at least all the time, and just being YOU.”

“YOU are a nut, but a happy one.”

“Exactly.”

* * *

Enjoy your New Year’s Resolutions.

You know, I think they’re meant to be fun.

The Year Of U is YOU.

Go YOS,

Grandpa Jim