She slapped him hard.
“Why did you do that?” he asked.
“I heard what you called me. That ‘pulky’ name.”
“It means ‘beautiful,’” he said, rubbing his hurt cheek.
“Oh, sorry. Why didn’t you say so? Here, let me kiss the ouchie.”
“Pulchritude” is a noun. Its on-line definition in Webster is “physical comeliness.”
“Pulchritudinous” is the adjective form. When used to modify a noun, or a person in our unfortunate gentleman’s case, it means “possessed of physical comeliness.”
All a bit archaic, you would say, and you would be right on. The word derives from the Middle English “pulchritudo,” which derives from the Latin “pulcher,” which mean simply “beautiful” or “good looking.” “Why didn’t you say so?” Exactly, you wouldn’t, or shouldn’t, tell a girl she is pretty by using that word today.
In the 21st Century, which is our day, people wouldn’t say “You are possessed of physical comeliness,” with a wink, anymore than they would say “You are looking pulchritudinous.” It would all be Greek to your audience and probably get you slapped again. We must speak to each other in the custom of our day.
“Consuetude” is another word you’d better watch dropping in polite company, but it’s right on point to our discussion. “Consuetude” means simply “custom,” which means something – in our case a word – in common usage. Common usage. As a word, “consuetude” was the custom of the times and in common usage in the 14th Century. It is not today, 700 years later. “If you tell someone, “I don’t know what to do, what’s the consuetude,” you will likely get a blank stare, or worse.
So, let’s start over.
“Pulchritudinous” was the 15th Century, “consuetude” was the 14th Century, and this is the 21st Century. Today it is not the consuetude (custom) to tell your host for dinner that she is pulchritudinous (possessed of physical comeliness). It is the custom to tell your host that her dress is gorgeous and you really like those large pomegranate earrings with the little circling electric flashing fruit flies – never assume you know anything about the consuetudes of female dress or accoutrement, just compliment, smile and move on. That is the custom today. And, whatever you do, do not, and I repeat, do not tell the lady of the house that she is pulchritudinous.
Save the circumlocution for the pre-matriculatory examinations.
There, I’m glad I said that, but my jaw still hurts
Grandpa Jim