In Africa, a dazzle (herd) of zebras race across the open Serengeti. The drops of rain fall away, off their striped coats, as the buzz (cloud) of horseflies veer away without making a landing. Beside the dazzle, a frazzle (fleet) of electric cars bounce happily along, not one interfering with the fun frolic of another.

How is it that a frazzle of zebras, a buzz of horseflies and a dazzle of electric cars can coexist compatibly on the wide plains of the Serengeti?

The answer may reside in the stripes on those horses and in the eyes of those horseflies.

To understand this better, consider the age-old question, “Why do zebras have stripes?”

Some say the stripes provide camouflage in the high grasses of the Serengeti hiding the zebras from the hungry lions. No. Others say the stripes on the coats of the running animals dazzle and distract the predators leaping in hungry chase. No. It has been suggested that because each zebra has lines unique to that animal, the markings are their names and how they are recognized among themselves. Nice try, but No, again. Then, the engineers speculate the alternating black-and-white lines differentially moderate the flow of air across the animal’s skin producing a cooling effect in the warm climes of the African continent. Creative, but, sorry, No. No, No, No and No.

Okay, what is the answer?

Horseflies have insect eyes. Those eyes are compound eyes composed of many small eyes. Think of a bulging checkerboard in a round and rounded space. All those mini-eyes are great for seeing all over and pinpointing just the right approach to land on an unsuspecting critter’s back. Now, think of an airplane making a precise landing on a wonderfully wide and clear landing field. That’s what the fly’s eyes should see. Next, paint that landing strip with bright, white-and-black, zig-zagging lines of no obvious pattern, and don’t tell our fly-plane or its control-tower-eyes what’s been done. You can hear the tower shouting, “Avert! Avert! Don’t land here. Veer off! Try somewhere else.” The scientific studies have demonstrated that horsefly eyes do not like landings on zebra-striped coats. There are just too many options for even the many-sensored eyes of the flies to process effectively. The result is that the painted horses gallop and the bulging-eyed flies buzz safely together without annoying interaction across the open plain of the Serengeti.

Wow, but what about the cars?

Remember, the cars are driverless. And, how do you drive a driverless car? With many, many eyes. Carmakers call those eyes sensors. Newer cars have them all over. In this, those man-made car sensors resemble the compound insect eyes of our horseflies — which, as we saw above, work great, unless you introduce a confusion factor. A zig-zag pattern with no clear mathematical or algorhithmical organization would be a wonderfully challenging confusion factor. So, I’m proposing our emerging electrical car manufacturers take advantage of the new knowledge of how zebras and horseflies avoid unwanted collisions by testing a frazzle (fleet) of swift driverless cars on the Serengeti next to a racing dazzle (herd) of zebras beneath a surrounding buzz (cloud) of horseflies.

Whew. All you have to do is add the rain. You now have our opening scene: Zebras, flies and cars zipping, soaring and quietly roaring under the bright African sun.

Let’s add a poem and a song for even more fun.

NO GREATER JOY A ZEBRA HAS

THAN AN ELECTRIC CAR TO AVOID

THAT LIKE FLIES HAVE GNAT’S EYES

WHICH OPEN WIDE IN SURPRISE

WHEN STRIPES THEY TOO ENCOUNTER

TO FLAIL, FLOUNDER AND RECOUNTER

BOUNCING HAPPILY AWAY AT THEIR SIDES

SAFELY CONFUSED BY SUCH A WONDROUS SIGHT

Now the song. it’s an old favorite. Notice the eyes. Could those be electric horsemen?

https://youtu.be/7Qq8m-1wYME

Thanks for stopping by.

See you soon.

Again.

Grandpa Jim

“Into each life some rain must fall.”

Who wrote it, when and why?

The great American Poet Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882) penned the line in 1842 in the last stanza of his poem “The Rainy Day.” What does it mean? The last line of the poem says it well: “Some days may be dark and dreary.” But, not all. Three lines up, Henry reminds us: “Behind the clouds is the sun still shining.” I like that. Yes, there may be difficult days, challenging times and even at times seemingly insurmountable obstacles, but always remember, there is hope waiting there behind the clouds that can seem so dark.

I hope there was for the muskrat.

Muskrats are curious and unusual animals. Smaller than beavers, they look like beavers. The tail is bit different. They spend most of their lives in the water in homes somewhat like beaver homes. I guess they smell somewhat musky (whatever that means) and I don’t think they look like rats, which are a distant and not welcome relative. So, that may explain the name “muskrat.” All I know is that I shouldn’t have done it. I’m afraid I was one day almost the rain that fell on a friendly muskrat.

At early morning men’s meeting today, I said, “I dreamed about muskrats last night.”

To my astonishment, the fellow standing next to me quipped, “You know I trapped muskrats when I was a boy in Illinois. They paid me $2 a fur.”

I winced and responded, “I know. It was the money. That’s why I almost did it. I mean I was just a boy in Iowa and my friend talked me into buying the trap and hiking to the river and wading into the weeds and setting that trap. The next day . . . oh, it was horrible.”

“What?”

“I caught one.”

“What did you do? Did you skin it?

“No. I couldn’t. I mean it looked right at me. I let it go.”

“Captain and Tennille” know what I mean. Both were young musicians working for other artists when, in 1974, Captain Daryl Dragon and Toni Tenille formed their own group. (The two were married in 1975, reportedly on Valentine’s Day.) The couple and their music took off like a rocket. In 1976, they released their fifth Gold Record (over 500,000 sold) and the name of that hit song is: “Muskrat Love.” It went to the top of the charts and stayed there for weeks. Who would have thought that a romantic song about two muskrats named Susie and Sam would break from the dreary day into the shining sun? Tenille, Captain and Longfellow would. Captain was so excited he even added the sounds of the muskrats talking muzzle to muzzle. Here’s what they’re saying to each other in the song:

“Nibbling on bacon, chewing on cheese
Sam says to Suzie, Honey, would you please be my Mrs.
Suzie says yes with her kisses”

Now, there’s a Valentine’s Day song. Give it a listen. You know, maybe that’s why I dreamed of that muskrat last night. It does sound like him in the song.

Happy Valentine’s Day to you and yours wherever you may be.

Grandpa Jim

I didn’t do anything wrong.

I got up, like usual on this day of the week, at 5:30 am, and went to my early-morning meeting. It was dark and the temperature was 72 degrees Fahrenheit (about 22 degrees Celsius). I mean it was a nice morning. Right? Wrong. This is Texas, remember.

When I walked out the door two hours later at 7:30 am, I stopped and shivered. I got into my car, turned the ignition key, and read on the display 41 degrees Fahrenheit (5 degrees Celsius). That is a 31 Fahrenheit-degree (17 Celsius-degree) drop in just two hours. Brrrrrr. And in the morning it’s supposed to be 25 degrees Fahrenheit (-4 degrees Celsius) from a high of 75 degrees Fahrenheit (about 24 degrees Celsius) a day ago. That’s a 50 Fahrenheit-degree (29 Celsius-degree) drop. Double Brrrrr Brrrrrrrrr.

What did I do wrong? I watched Phil and he said. . . .

Phil is the groundhog who lives in the town of Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, USA. Well, on February 2nd since 1887, he’s been pulled from his den to predict the weather. If he says he saw his shadow, that means six more weeks of winter. If he doesn’t see his shadow, that means an early spring. I checked. Phil saw his shadow. It’s on the Internet. You can check. That means an early spring, right? What happened?

My wife said she drove by the school down the street and the daffodils were blooming. I looked out the window and the quince bush has gorgeous orange blossoms. On the Esplanade, the first wildflowers of Texas are beginning to peak out. What happened to the temperature.

Texas happened.

I’m a northern boy, grew up in the USA State of Iowa. When I was a boy, I’d walk out across the snow-covered fields to do kid stuff when the temperature was -20 degrees Fahrenheit (about -29 degrees Celsius). I’m used to cold.

I’m not used to Texas swing. And I am not referring to Texas Music like that of The Light Crust Doughboys — they are still a favorite. Texas Western Swing is country music. I am referring to the radical, unexpected and generally unsettlingly wild swings in temperature in Texas.

It’s one thing to be a groundhog up North, and I admire Punxsutawney Phil for his persistence. The locals say the same Phil has been predicting the weather for 136 years. That’s staying power. In Texas, he would have left for more predictable climes years go. Today, Texas Phil would be sitting on a beach, with a cold beverage with a little umbrella in it, and he’d be predicting the next warm wave. It’s one thing to predict the weather; it’s another to have unprdictable weather.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Texas. But, well, the weather here is unpredictable.

This year, I’m afraid the Phil up there got it wrong for down here.

I’ll put on a heavy coat, gloves and my stocking cap.

In Texas, the weather is bound to change.

Maybe, some Texas swing?

While we wait?

Now that did warm my mood.

Could be it was only a temporary setback.

Maybe Phil is right and we will have an early spring.

Grandpa Jim

PS: If you’d like to hear more from Phil himself, check out the interview he did for us right here at Uncle Joe Stories some years ago. Just click on his name: Phil.

I heard it on the radio: “Today is Chicken Fried Steak Day.” It was October 26th and I was hungry, but I never did enjoy the dish that day. My taste buds remembered their loss and I set out to correct my gastronomic mistake.

Chicken Fried Steak is not chicken. That’s one thing we have to get straight at the outset. Chicken Fried Steak is a flat steak that is cooked like fried chicken. In the Cowboy Days in West Texas, it was not the tenderest cut of beef that was used. All the easy-chewing steak had already been eaten up. So, the Chef of the Chuck Wagon took the tougher cuts, gave them a good pounding with a heavy mallet, breaded the flattened and tenderized results, and fried up those steaks for the hunger cowpokes waiting around the campfire with their forks and knives in the air. They loved those breaded steaks: “More over here, Cookie,” they’d yell, “and pass the salt and pepper. Mmmmmmm, good.” Chicken Fried Steak was born that day on the Staked Planes, the Llano Estacado, of the Texas Panhandle.

No one knows the date of that original campfire meal, probably in the 1800s. We do know that in 1911, Jimmy Don Perkins was working as a short-order cook in a cafe in Lamesa, Texas. Lamesa is just south of Lubbock in the Llano Estacado. Well, it’s said that Jimmy Don confused two separate orders, one for chicken and one for fried steak, and created chicken fried steak. It might be, but what may not be remembered is that Jimmy Don could also have been a part-time wrangler who had already experienced a good chuck-wagon chicken fried steak. Now, maybe, he just saw those two orders and cooked what he knew was best for the customers. (One forgets that in Texas, what other’s might view as apocrypha is often seen as history.) In any event, those customers took a bite of that chicken fried steak, with the white gravy and mashed potatoes, and they just loved it and they kept coming back for more.

It wasn’t long after that Lamesa became known as the home of chicken fried steak. Still, something was lacking. In Texas we take our steaks seriously and something needed to be done to set the record straight. This was remedied in 2011 when the Texas Legislature in Austin issued an official Resolution, which states in part:

“WHEREAS, This signature dish occupies a special place in the culinary culture of the Lone Star State, and Texas Chicken Fried Steak Day provides a welcome opportunity to pay homage to that shared legacy; therefore, be it

“RESOLVED, That the House of Representatives of the 82nd Texas Legislature hereby recognize October 26, 2011, as Texas Chicken Fried Steak Day and extends sincere best wishes to all who are taking part in this unique occasion.”

Since then, October 26 has been celebrated as Texas Chicken Fried Steak Day, and Lamesa hosts an annual celebration to remember the origins of the dish and to partake in, as the Texas Legislature has affirmed,

“that exceptional dish that elevates the hearty flavor of beef to new heights by coating it in batter and breading and frying it until the ingredients are melted into a blissful union.”

Well said and will met. I have now met together with my good friend at four local Dallas restaurants to sample this unique Texas dish: “Republic — Texas Tavern,” “Babes Chicken Dinner House,” “Cindi’s New York Delicatessen, Restaurant and Bakery,” and “Street’s Fine Chicken.” These are all outstanding establishments and each prepares a commendable version of the signature Texas dish. Each is slightly different and all are delightfully delicious.

The list of local kitchens goes on and on. Perhaps, I will even make the trip to Lamesa and sample the fare at the adopted home of this Cowboy original. Maybe, I’ll pass by the in-town storefronts and drive out, with my good friend at my side, over the long Staked Plains, the sky painted in the bright and fading colors of the setting sun, search out the lonely outline of a single chuck wagon, stop and ask if they might have an extra plate or two to share with some happy travelers.

Folks are friendly in Texas. I’m sure they won’t mind. If you’re out that way, stop by and join us. Could there be anything better than chicken fried steak around an open Texas campfire.

“More over here, Cookie. Some extra gravy, too, please. It’s so, so good.”

And, it is

Grandpa Jim